The Mozzarella Stick and SLOW...

Hi Bay-Bee!

Is it possible to learn more from a 12-year old than you teach him?

Had another weekend with Patrick this week. He's such a good kid. Helpful, kind, and full of energy...

After football practice, we decided to go to Arby's. Arby's is one of the fast-food restaurants I've blessed for him and me. I order the Martha Vineyard Salad (great chicken salad) and he ordered his stand by - the Arby Roast Beef Sandwich and the Mozzarella Sticks with Marinara Sauce. We were in my car and I had just had it cleaned at Waterway. It was sparkling and it was a beautiful evening. I decided to drop the top on the car and park in the parking lot instead of taking him directly home. I figured we could chat a little. A funny thing happened though...

He protested. He said, "I'll wait until I get home to eat."

I said, "What? Why?"

"I don't know. I just don't want to eat in your car."

"Why? You can be careful can't you?"

"Well, I want to eat my mozzarella sticks first and I'm afraid I'll dip it in the sauce and drop it."

Me: "You're all right. Just be careful. Let's chat."

He replied hesitantly, "Okay."

We chatted for about five minutes about his practice, school, and his new baby sister, Rylee. He was making a point about playing with Rylee's feet to make her smile when a half of a mozzarella stick with marinara sauce comes out of his hand and in slow motion starts floating in the air at me. Halfway between Patrick and me, the mozzarella stick slowly, tantalizingly drops like a burning ember leaving an air stream of red. As Patrick and I both watch, the mushy burning cheesestick settles exactly between his seat and the console. We look at where the cheese stick disappeared, then we look at each other.

My first inclination was to say something. Loudly. Something like, "Why can't you be careful?!" or "We just talked about that!" or "Come on!" or even "Get out!" But instead I remembered something I just read in the Baby Whisperer. It's called SLOW.

Stop
Listen
Observe
What's UP (or what needs to be done or what is the reality of what happened).

So I stopped before I said something.

I listened. It was pretty quiet except for Patrick's quick breathing.

I observed. He was sorry and it showed. Plus, he had warned me. What could I say?

The reality is that it wasn't that big of a deal. It would clean. I stuck my hand down there to get it, but my hand was too big to fit. Patrick leaned back. I would never hit him but he knew I was upset. What's funny is that I wasn't really that upset. The SLOW system had checked my anger at the door.

I smiled and said, "Hey no problem. You warned me. Let's just be careful with the rest of the meal."

We ate for a while and chatted. What could have been a sour ending to a great evening was just a small interrupton.

He did wait to eat his Roast Beef sandwich until we got to his house though. :)

What's really funny is that when I got home that evening, I slid the seat forward and easily picked up the mozzarella stick. It didn't smear sauce or leave a mark at all. No big deal. I'm glad. I hadn't made it a big deal.

I recommend the next time we are in a situation not just with our children, but with our spouse, co-workers, parents, or clients that we implement the SLOW system. Stop before you say something spontaneous that you may regret. Listen to what is going on around you. Observe everybody in the room, the situation, and all that is going on in the scene. And finally decide what you are going to do next. Calm, cool, and collected you will most likely make the right decision saving everyone the embarassment, harsh feelings, or anger that may result from flippant remarks.

Patrick's a good kid who dropped a mozzarella stick. I'm glad I didn't drop the ball on a great night.

To Your Success,

Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)