Little did I know when I welcomed your little body to this world that Sheri and I would celebrate such interesting things.
After almost two days of constipation and us worrying about your constipation, we celebrated a small, but significant victory.
Today, you pooped.
Today, "You pooped," Sheri and I whooped.
You pooped, you little poop.
Oops, it's poop! You pooped and pooped and pooped.
Not like Fruit Loops or Hula Hoops, but more like ice cream scoops.
Sheri and I changed you together and looking down at you we don't know if it was us projecting our happiness onto you or if you just absolutely had the happiest look on your face. Sheer, utter relief. And judging from volume, you had to have felt a little pent-up. Definitely understand the "full of *&#$)" origination now. You were definitely full.
The conversation between Sheri and me over the last two days has been interesting to say the least. "I think something's wrong with Max."
"Why Honey?"
"I haven't changed his diaper for 6 hours."
"Well, honey, is that what's wrong with Max or what's wrong with you?"
"No, what I mean is Max hasn't gone to the bathroom."
"Is six hours a long time?"
"Yes, he normally goes every 3 to 4 hours."
"Well, he'll go soon won't he?"
"We'll see."
(12 hours later)
"(No intro conversation)Hi honey, has Max pooped yet?"
"No."
"OH MY GOD! IS HE OKAY?! DID YOU CALL THE DOCTOR!?! HAVE YOU GONE TO THE DOCTOR?!"
"Michael, he'll be fine. I called the doctor and she said to try some Karo Syrup. Can you go by Price Chopper and grab some?"
"Absolutely."
(Michael working out at the gym, conversation with trainer Michelle Kelly)
"Yeah, Max won't poop."
"I remember those days."
"I need to pick up some Karo Syrup after the workout."
"Might want to grab some Benefiber as well as a backup plan."
"Okay, will do."
(2 hours later after buying Karo Syrup and Benefiber)
"(No intro conversation)Hi honey, has Max pooped yet?"
"No."
"Okay, I got the Kato (pronounced wrong) Syrup and BeneFiber."
"BeneFiber?"
"Yes, Shelly Kelly suggested BeneFiber."
"Well, I'll give him the Karo Syrup first."
(Fours Later)
(Me posting on Facebook)
"Michael is... praying for Max to poop."
Facebook e-mail...
"Prayers for Max!"
"Try mineral oil"
"Try mineral oil and water!"
"Have you tried Karo Syrup?!"
"Try benefiber or a gentle powder fiber product"
"Try watering down the formula"
"Prayers for Poop!"
"Try Gerber's juice mix - Prune"
"Praying for Max!"
(Eight hours later, next morning)
"Good morning honey, has Max pooped yet?"
"No."
"What are we going to do? Do you think something is really wrong with him?"
(Sheri nearly crying)"I hope not. But he's been so fussy and crying. He can't be comfortable. Poor little guy."
(Hugging Sheri)"He'll be fine. Everything will be fine."
(Sheri on phone with Doctor's office - true story)
"I'd like to see the doctor today. My baby hasn't had a bowel movement in over 28 hours."
"Ok, miss, your doctor is out of the office today. Do you want to make an appointment for tomorrow?"
"I don't know. Is it an emergency if my baby hasn't cleared his system for a day and a half?"
"It can't be good. Do you want to make an appointment for tomorrow?"
"I don't know. What should I do?"
"I don't know ma'am. Do you want to make the appointment just in case?"
"Just in case what? What if he has an internal problem? Shouldn't we get this taken care of?"
"I don't know ma'am. What do you want to do?"
"What do you think I should do?"
"I don't know ma'am. You're the mother. It's your call."
"My call? I don't know what to do."
"Go with your instincts. What do you want to do?"
"I think I'll call my mom. She may know what to do. She's not a doctor or a nurse like you are, but she's got experience."
"Good idea ma'am."
(CLICK!)
(Michael checking Facebook)
"Try mineral oil and water."
"Have you massaged his belly?"
"Prayers for Poop!"
"Hope Max is feeling better Michael"
(Eight hours later - three treatments (three one-ounce spoons) later of Karo Syrup and one treatment of Gerber's Apple/Prune Juice watered down)
"Hi, honey! Has Max pooped?"
"No, not yet."
(Michael picking Max up)
"Well, I'll hold the little guy for a while. (Max crying a little bit)"
"Okay, I'll make up a bath for him and make up a taco salad for you."
"Sounds great."
(Michael playing with Max - moving his arms and legs, patting his belly, singing stupid little songs that don't make any sense but have "woo" and "goo" in them a lot)
(Sheri brings taco salad - chicken no beef. Michael gets Max undressed and sets him gently into the sling above the tub of water).
Max says, "Whaaaaaaaaaa!"(Sheri wipes down Max. Michael eats taco salad)
Max says, "Whaaaaaaaaa!"
(Sheri dries Max and puts him in his Tigger outfit, starts feeding Max)
(Michael finishes salad, puts dishes up, puts some laundry up, changes loads)
(Sheri hands Max off to Michael)
(Michael burps Max and holds Max for a few minutes)
"Sheri, do you smell something?" (This sentence comes out much like a statement between two nomads crossing the Sahara and saying, "do you smell something (like water)? Expectant, hopeful, almost disbelieving....
(Sheri running over)"No."
"No, seriously, I think I smell something."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, I think we need to change him!"
(The Umpa Lumpa song comes to mind here. Umpa Lumpa, umpa lumpa...)
(Michael laying Max on the changing table)
(Sheri undoes Max' outfit)
Max says, "Whaaaaaaaa!"
(Sheri and Michael look at each other - hopeful, expectant, nervous, not wanting to be disappointed again. Sheri peels the diaper off and WAAA LAAA (trumpets go off, harps sound, and cheers explode!
MAX HAS POOPED! Not just a little, but a diaper full of yellow stuff that burns the nose hair and looks absolutely horrendous. I don't know if I had tears of joy coming to me or my eyes were just watering from the stench)
"Oh my God!"
"Thank God!"
(Max looking up at his parents like they are a couple of lunatics. Like "What? I feel great!")
Oh, the joys of parenting. Where did I leave that manual?! Didn't we get a manual at the hospital? Um, I don't think so. To Your Success,
Max' Dad (Michael)
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