A very important lesson today.
I know a boy, let's call him Skyler (not his real name), who recently got into some trouble (the 11-year old son of a client). There was an abandoned house nearby their house. It was a foreclosure. Probably something you've seen in your neighborhood during the last couple of years. He and another neighbor kid (another 11-year old) got bored one day this week and decided to check out this abandoned house. What started as innocent walking around the street ended up bad and could have been a lot worse.
Damon (not his real name), Sklyer's neighbor, was hitting some rocks with a bat and one of the rocks crashed through a window of the HUD home. Instead of deciding to quit and tell someone, Skyler and Damon proceeded to throw more rocks through the window. Looking around and not seeing anyone to take notice, Damon broke out all the window and climbed through the window into the house. He went around to the door and let Skyler in. They proceeded to take an ax to the walls of the home, chopped up the countertop, and broke more windows. They did about $4000 worth of damage! Unfortunately for them in the short term, but perhaps fortunately for them in the long term, a police cruise drove by when they were in mid-vandalism mode. Before they did more damage, two policemen stopped them at gun point (Damon dropped the ax quickly as you can probably imagine). Damon and Skyler were arrested.
They were taken down to the county jail where they were booked: photographed front and side, fingerprinted, and re-dressed in jailhouse orangesuits. They were going to be locked up for the night. The police called the boys' parents. Can you imagine getting that call? "Ma'am this is the county police. Your son has been arrested." Imagine what she was thinking (the stages of grief come to mind here - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, you can bet the first two stages were top of mind).
Sheri and I sometimes take kids to the movies, do yardwork with them, or just go out to eat wiht them. We don't call it babysitting, but hey, that's what it really is. It was time to spend some time with Skyler.
We did some yard work around the house and one of our rentals. I didn't say much to him. We went to get something to eat at Applebee's (one of my favorite restaurants for dinner - I love their Santa Fe Chicken Salad, nutritious too). Before we went in, I told Sheri to hold on a second.
Here's how my conversation went with Skyler (thanks to my dad):
Me (in a calm, serious tone): "Skyler, I'm angry with you. I'm truly upset about what happened the other day. You knew you were wrong. You knew you were doing wrong. And the worst thing is, you knew you were doing wrong and just kept on doing it."
Skyler (quietly, almost in tears): "I know."
Me (still in calm, quiet tone): "I want to tell you something my dad told me many years ago. You see, I got in trouble like you did. I did something wrong. I didn't get arrested, but it was wrong. My dad had a sit-down talk like I'm doing with you today. He told me that there are Chimps, Chumps, and Champs.
Chimps are just mindless followers, leaves in the wind, doing whatever other people want them to do.
Chumps are negative leaders, people who lead people down the wrong path.
Champs are positive leaders, people who do the right thing and lead people down the right path.Which were you, Skyler?"
Skyler: "I was a Chimp."
Me: "Yes, and what was Damon?"
Skyler: "He was a Chump."
Me: "Yes, and what should you have done?"
Skyler: "I should have not gone into the house."
Me: "What should you have done before that?"
Skyler: "Not thrown rocks through the window."
Me: "And before that?"
Skyler: "After Damon broke the window, I should have said, 'We need to tell somebody.'"
Me: "Is there anything you could have done before that?"
Skyler: "Yes, I saw him about to throw the rock at the house. I could have said, 'Let's not do that.'"
Me: "What would a Champ have done?"
Skyler: "Would have said not to do that."
Me: "Skyler, you are going to have a LOT of chances and choices to make in life. You're going to be in a lot of situations where you have to be stronger than you really think you are. Whether it is somebody pushing marijuana or dope on you, or offering you a drink while everybody else is drinking, offering you a ride when you aren't sure the driver is able or sober, even in school when the opportunity to cheat comes up and you haven't studied, you will have opportunities to choose between right and wrong and I want you to remember to be a Champ. You are a Champ. It's time to make decisions like a Champ. Wouldn't you agree?"
Skyler (quietly): "Yes."
Me: "Let's go eat!"
All: "Yeah!"
To Your Success,
Bay-Bee's Papa (Michael)
1 comment:
Michael: You tell great stories! I'll bet that boy remembers your guidance forever.
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